Are you dealing with the break-up of a relationship that wasn’t your decision and hiding yourself away? Distancing yourself from friends, family and the outside world is normal for many of us as we try to deal with a break up. If this is you, you are probably not able to sleep, or eat properly, let alone have a conversation with someone.
It is so easy to hide yourself away and hibernate, but when you are exhausted with the stress of a break up, the one thing you need to do is to keep yourself connected with the outside world. It’s time to be kind to yourself and even the smallest of connections can help to boost your mood, just saying “hello” to your neighbour is better than no connection with anyone at all, but if you can you have to go further than that. Speak to other friends who you trust and share the thoughts you are thinking, for example, “How could he/she do this to me?”
Don’t be afraid to talk about the pain you feel, because if you hide yourself away from your social network, you are likely to shy away from yourself. Everyone has experienced a broken heart, so you are not on your own.
Here are some tips to make sure you keep connected with others when dealing with heartbreak:
1. Talk to your friends, tell them how you feel. If they are not just fair-weather friends they will be there to listen and support you.
2. Make yourself go to the supermarket and buy food (who knows who you might meet there?!) and passing conversations remind you of normal life.
3. Go for walks and say “hello “to people you meet.
4. Answer the phone when people call you.
5. Take your friends, family up on their offers of going out. We are not saying you should become so obsessed with going out and socialising that you don’t have time to acknowledge what has happened, but a good meal with close friends can really boost your morale.
6. Don’t eat lunch at your desk, go to the local coffee shop or somewhere where there will be people around you.
7. Make plans for your future – book a holiday or theatre trip.
8. Make eye contact with people. If someone smiles at you, smile back. Just the simple act of smiling can lead you to feeling happier. Smiling changes the chemistry in your brain, making you feel better.
9. Connect with people on a face to face and personal level, which may mean disconnecting yourself from social media for a while. You don’t need to know that your ex is having a great time, whilst you are suffering!
10. Do something nice for someone, it’s amazing how small things such as opening a door for a person can make you feel good inside.
We know some of these things are the last things you feel like doing, but trust us, if you can stay connected with the world around you, you will be happier than you will be just hiding under the duvet. Treat yourself with compassion and ask yourself, “What would you advise a friend in a similar situation to do?”
With hugs Julia and Jacqui x