Infidelity is such an awful thing, that we know. Finding out that your partner has been sexually/romantically involved with another woman is heart breaking. However, what about the other woman. What happens to her. How does she feel?
A friend of mine, Kate, was “the other woman” for a significant amount of time. So, I decided to get her round for a good old glass of wine and a chin wag. I wanted to explore the thoughts and feelings that she had had.
You see, Kate was involved romantically with a married man. Not just married, but also a father.
She didn’t tell us the whole truth for a while, but I did find it strange that her boyfriend wouldn’t message her in the evenings, and was never present during the weekend. In fact, she only really saw him a couple of times a week, and that usually was only for a little while.
So here is Kates story, in Kates words.
I met Simon at a bar in Chelsea. We were both a little tipsy, and we got on like a house on fire. He had me howling with laughter, and the twinkle in his eye was infectious.
I remember noticing the pale band around his ring finger. The sunlight had obviously not hit the skin for years. I didn’t ask though, I thought maybe he was newly single.. The thought never really ran through my head.
At the end of the night, we exchanged numbers.
Over the following days, we texted constantly. The chemistry was fabulous, and he was so very complimentary. He would tell me that I was the most beautiful woman he had laid eyes on, and he even sent flowers to my work. Needless to say, I was smitten from the get-go.
Only after a few weeks did I begin to get suspicious. We would talk all day, but from 7pm he would go quiet. He would come to my flat for an early dinner a couple of times a week, but would never stay the night, and the later in the evening it got, the more he would glance nervously at his phone if it pinged, almost on edge.
About a month later, I sat him down and outright asked if he was seeing anyone else. He came clean instantly. He told me that he was married, and he had 2 young children. I was shocked, but not entirely surprised. I told him to leave immediately, and I was plagued with guilt. A poor woman was sat at home, thinking her loving husband was working late, but actually he was making love to his “other woman”.
The next day, my head was in complete disarray. I really liked him, and I didn’t want what we had to end. I called him, and asked to speak to him face to face.
We sat, we talked, and came to the conclusion that we were in too deep. So deep that we couldn’t let go. So, we continued.
I don’t know how I justified it in my head if I am honest. Some days were difficult, especially the weekends, as I knew that he was with her. Some nights I would lay in bed and cry, because I knew that he was laying next to his wife. – He told me they hadn’t slept together in so very long, but still the thought made me sick to my stomach.
We carried on our relationship for over a year, and then one day, I snapped. I had had enough.
I sat Simon down, and I poured my heart out. I gave him the ultimatum. I was not going to be the other woman any longer. It was me, or her.
Simon chose his wife, and my heart broke into a thousand pieces.
I felt stupid, I had known what I was getting myself into.
I am still recovering, and my heart is still riddled with guilt when I look back.
To all of the women that have hatred for “The Other Woman”, I would say this: We cant help who we fall in love with, and sometimes love makes you do crazy things. Please don’t hate us for what we have done. Ultimately, we suffer just as much as you may do. I knew how immoral our relationship was, I knew it potentially could ruin so many lives, but I was in so deep, my heart ran before my head, and I am so sorry for that,
I don’t know if Simons wife ever had a hunch, and if she did, I want to apologise.