Learning to love yourself is not an easy thing to do at the best of times, but when you’re in emotional pain and turmoil it can be even more allusive.
You’re hurting because someone else has damaged your feelings. You have to decide whether or not you are going to allow that other person/s to stop you from feeling good about yourself and get your life moving forward in a positive manner. A very good way of doing this is to use the pain to motivate you to change. Accepting the pain as a part of change can help you to focus on the areas of your life that you want to be more right for you.
Here are some ways to help you achieve this:
Learn to be your own best friend, rather than your worst enemy.
Stop the internal critical dialogue and change for more nurturing thoughts. What would you be saying to your best friend if she was suffering in the same circumstances? Would you be telling her she was unattractive, useless, not good enough – no, you’d be telling her all the reasons why she’s your best friend and encouraging her to see these things in herself.
Have compassion for yourself in the way you have had for others.
Have empathy for the situation you find yourself in and make a promise to do one thing each day that is nurturing for you. It doesn’t have to involve money. It can be something as simple as taking a long bath to relax and unwind. You need to learn you don’t need someone else to make you feel good, you can do this for yourself and you don’t run the risk of someone letting you down.
It’s up to you make empowering choices.
For so many years people have been relying on you to care for them, particularly if you have a family. It may be hard to remember who you really are because being a wife, husband, partner, mother, father, carer has been your priority. The pain of betrayal has forced you to make choices. You always have a choice. Use it wisely. You can either ignore your real self and needs, which could lead to more hurt and toxic relationships or you can choose to accept your misgivings and acknowledge all the good things that lie within you. You can choose to make a determined effort to move forward in a more grateful and positive manner.
Start treating yourself like you wish to be treated. Respect yourself like you want to be respected. Appreciate who you really are and become more aware of your needs. See the potential in yourself and focus less on the approval of others.
Work on your core beliefs that are making you vulnerable.
See our blog on identifying your core beliefs and make yourself the driver in your life not the passenger.
It is highly possible that you may need to work on releasing negative emotions in order to move forward, particularly if you feel stuck with resentments and hurt. Accept where you are right now and that you have been doing the best you can from your own level of awareness. By focusing on your needs, you can increase your self awareness which will help you release your negative thoughts and emotions, alleviating the trapped feeling.
Learn to trust yourself.
You may be saying to yourself – ‘I’ll never fall in love again because I don’t want to get hurt’ – or – ‘I’ll never let this happen to me again’. What you’re really saying is – ‘I don’t trust myself to make the right decision about getting involved with another person’. You’re not trusting yourself to know what’s right and what’s wrong for you. The more you get to know and accept yourself, the more you will begin to love who you are. This can lead to gaining more confidence in relationships, as it increases the likelihood that you will make the right choices, when considering what you want from a current or perspective partner.
Pay attention to your self-talk.
What you say to yourself is paramount to the way you feel. Maybe you have found occasions where you keep using negative language towards yourself. Just for now why not try a great experiment and fill your head with positive affirmations. By using the means of repetition and adopting a new belief system you are creating added neural pathways in the brain that will help you present a brand new viewpoint. Suddenly life starts to feel good and takes on a much brighter outlook.
Here are some positive affirmations to get you started:
• I am a unique and very special person.
• I am worthy of respect from others.
• I love and accept myself unconditionally.
• I am free to make my own choices and decisions.
• I deserve all that is good.
• I approve of myself and feel great about myself.
• I am grateful for my life.
• I love and care about my needs.
• I will always do what’s right for me.
• I love myself.
Take some time out today and nurture you.
With hugs – Julia and Jacqui x